We had a few drinks and some lunch, which Emma & Sophie almost lost after a trip on the roller coaster at the Pleasure Beach. Despite my initial misgivings I did actually enjoy myself and I was quite disappointed when we had to head home just after seven. Pete was picking Emma up from the station, although I didn’t get chance to meet him as he waited in the car.Sophie was a bit downcast when we got back to Lisa’s – boyfriend Paul was supposed to be back that night but he’d phoned her to say had been delayed and wouldn’t be returning until Saturday morning. She decided she wanted to stop at his flat anyway and wait for him to arrive in the morning, so I offered to walk her round there. Pauls flat was half of the second floor of a converted Victorian hotel, Sophie invited me in so I had a look around – it was a good-sized place with two bedrooms and a living room dominated by a huge bay-window. Paul was a trainee architect and, according to Sophie, was an only c***d and came from a. I hold him. I don't know what else to do."Are you gay?" he asks quietly."I like girls," I answer quickly."Oh," he recoils, hurt. "I'm sorry." What? Why?" I stammer."I thought..." he says. "With the dressing..." he adds."I don't know what's going on with that," I spit out. "I never didanything like that before and now I'm excited to put on girl's clothes." You like it?" he asks. "But you freak out when the boys do it?"I nod."Because you want to do it on your terms?" he poses."I dunno, maybe," I answer.I decide to hit him with a big truth. A truth I won't tell Emma or Jennyor Mom."I get excited wearing the clothes," I explain. "You know," I elaborate,"sexually?" Oh!" he mouths."But I hate myself after I'm done." I finish. "Okay?" How do you feel about dressing for me?" he asks.I stir in my bikini. I would very much *love* to dress for him. I almostleap off the bed to grab some clothes."I don't know..." I say defensively.I'm not ready to do this? Am I? I've been exposed at school. I've.
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